Thirty years ago I converted a guy and then dumped him for a returned missionary from an established LDS family. Over the years, it would have felt increasingly burdensome to accommodate practices that seemed to me like superstition. Learned by me in time and tears. After enough years of this, you stop trying. And the thought of being a 'single mom' if we have kids. But when my oldest daughter hit 12, the lessons started to have one major theme: This is what girls are told should be their primary goal.
The church didn't do it to her but it helped create the environment that allowed it to happen. Even after that, the Church discourages youth from entering serious relationships before they are considering marriage. I find that having zero expectations, single parenting and having my own life makes our marriage work well. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
I'm a nevermo, but I married a then TBM girl, so maybe my perspective will be of help to you. The brethren have taught that there is an ideal pattern for marriage. The woman's role is to grow up, marry a worthy priesthood holder, and have a lot of kids. He studies all day and night I live in my own world and my own circle. I know some people don't like the sound of "working for a relationship", but it can be so rewarding.
The woman gets fidgety after three days on vacation. As others mentioned, when they are home they are often exhausted, catching up on sleep, preparing a presentation or catching up on notes. I'll keep digging through it, but there's a lot there and I'd like some suggestions to narrow my search. My wife expects me to understand her situation but whiles I am willing to understand, I wish she would make some effort to etch out some quality time for us when she is not stressed out and grumpy and irritable. You guys are looking into this wayyyyyyy too much. I wish you all well on your recovery from this particularly vile church. I recall reading a talk from Elder Nelson in which he indicated that the church teaches general principles and does not spend time teaching exceptions to general principles. It had nothing to do with our relationship and so much to do with the pressures and demands of his work.